The Arms of Sorrow

If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got – Henry Ford

I was amazed (probably, I shouldn’t have been) that on the Internet this quote is attributed to other people besides Henry Ford. One business website attributes the quote to Albert Einstein, for instance.

Anyway, I digress.

I think last year I mentioned that February and March is a sad time for me and I end up taking time off work with illness.  In February 2015 I was absent from work with sickness for four days and the same thing happened again in March last year.

March 2009 was when my father passed away, whilst I lost contact with someone special to me during March 2014.  February is connected to that same person for a special reason which I won’t go into right now.

In November last year, I planned ahead and booked some time off.  My leave started Thursday last week and I returned to work yesterday.  It meant that I would be home on my own to grasp time for myself to think about the two people I mentioned in the previous paragraph.

I was pretty ineffectual as a human being last weekend.  Sunday saw me biting Gloria’s head off at the slightest thing.

During my week of leave from work, I had chance to sort a few things out around the house; those DIY (Do It Yourself) items that I have been putting off for a number of months.

One thing was to sort out a box of paperwork that I kept ignoring week after week for…I don’t know how many months.  Some of the post in the box was my late father’s which dated back as far as 1984.  That box is no longer making the place look untidy, so I scored a success there.

Seeing that post and realising how quick each task I completed was, I lamented how I have been putting things off.  If I keep on putting things off, I will never get to finish my studying for that IT exam, for example.

This week – and every week – I have a choice.  If I carry on as before, I know what will happen.  I will die without making an impression on the world.

For all of the anger in my heart at the evil out there, I will have helped to change nothing.  At present, my ideals are not resulting in enough action.

The realisation came to me of how scared I am to be bold.

I am sure that if I were to die today, there are people that will remember me as someone with a kind heart.  I’m not mocking that, that is fantastic.

However, I want to look down from heaven and be able to see at least one person living a better life because of something that I have done whilst still alive.  I want to admire myself.  I hope that expression isn’t too clumsy.

 

2 Comments

  1. Well, Kamerad, you find yourself triggering more responses from me … It may simply be coincidence, but the fact that your dad passed in February is not that unusual. February is a dark month, indeed, and I find that my spirit is at its lowest ebb in that part of the year. It would not surprise me if, in some future age, it were to be shown that folk who are ailing tend to pass in this portion of the year … they simply don’t have the resources to continue. I know that I suffer from a relatively mild case of S.A.D., and I notice that you do, too. Light therapy is the only answer, really, and one of those light boxes that one sits in front of for so many minutes every morning will prove invaluable. I can’t afford such, so I concentrate on getting outdoors for a period every day is very helpful. I first discovered it when I would coach on the firing line at my club’s “hunter’s Clinic”, when we would zero hunters’ rifles for them at the beginning of deer season. After spending a full day outdoors, I lost all the symptoms of S.A.D. and felt great. The fact is, that even the brightest interior in the Winter is much darker than even a cloudy day outdoors. You might find the “Go Outdoors” treatment to be beneficial in your case as well.
    Good luck!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, friend. That sounds like very practical advice.

      At this time of year, I am leaving work after the sun has set and sunlight is mainly seen through a window.

      I also read recently that firing a gun releases stress. I can see why people play those beat-’em-up-shoot-’em-up video games. Sudoku obviously doesn’t cut it.

      Thank you for your invaluable advice.

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